Thursday, May 11, 2006

Dear Britain, I have decided to make 'breakfast'-based policy announcements

[Disclaimer: This is a parody based on the linked BBC article about Mr Cameron's content-filled remarks about BHS thongs for children. He didn't actually say this stuff. This should be obvious but just covering myself... Incidently, is it just Blair who uses 'hard-working families' all the time - Jamie Whyte claims this is now common to all parties].

Some of Britain's best-known businessmen has attacked David Cameron after the Tory leader made a number of "bizarre" public announcements about well-known high-street products. Mr Cameron mentioned his concerns over the quality of IKEA beds and their ease-of-assembly, told business leaders that DFS adverts nearly made him throw his TV through the window and that he thought that there should be better parking at Asda on sunny weekend afternoons. He mentioned these concerns as examples of the frustrations suffered by hard-working families in contemporary Britain.

In a speech to business leaders earlier on Tuesday, Mr Cameron attacked the minor inconveniences faced daily by ordinary Britains. He said protecting "Hard-working families against the inconvenience and frustration of flat-packed furniture" was a cause worth fighting for.

He used the example of a range of commonly available products and services. He said: "My wife and I were chatting over breakfast and we decided that DFS adverts were extremely annoying"

Mr Cameron spoke out during a speech to the "Business in the Community" annual conference in London.

The father-of-three said that like many parents he was "Really lucky that he was so busy being a father and Tory leader that he videod his favourite TV shows to watch for later. This meant he could fast-forward through all the adverts"

"But I remember reading the BBC website where some people were complaining about their least-favourite adverts like Crazy Frog and that M&S food-porn advert where this husky voiced woman tells you it's pert, moist M&S salmon," he said.

"The protection of British people against these sorts of minor annoyances is a cause worth fighting for"

Mr Cameron said: "That sums up why parents are often reluctant to complain - even when they feel uneasy.

"No-one wants to be seen as uptight but these things are really irritating. It may be good for business, but it's not good for families and it's not good for society and we should say so," he said.

He argued that his party would "always stand up for business" and "passionately believed in the dynamism of the free market and the power to do good".

But, he added, this support did not come at any cost.

"You're going to have to listen to me making yet more public announcements about stuff I was discussing with my wife and children in casual conversation", he said.

"I'm not prepared to think about what the Conservative party are planning to do, our ideology or our vision for 21st century Britain when it's so much easier to engage public sympathies by discussing my experiences of assembling flat-pack wardrobes, and parking at supermarkets on a Saturday afternoon", he said.

Remarking on issues that he'd talked to his wife about in the car but which had very little relation to the business of governing the country was "always very much part of my day when I worked in business", he said. "So now I'm leader of the Tory party, I don't see why I should confine my watercooler comments to the office coffee-room instead of sharing them with the nation."

"when I get into a really heated conversation with Samantha about Waitrose running out of mange-tout, I'm going to speak out", he added.

7 Comments:

  • At 8:49 am , Blogger Peter Pigeon said...

    Cameron really said that unempoyed people are obese and spend all day watching the television? This is dynamite! Have you got a link?

     
  • At 8:52 am , Blogger Femme de Resistance said...

    No. It's one of my parodies... :#/ (embarrassed smiley). I had better make that clear at the top.

     
  • At 8:54 am , Blogger Femme de Resistance said...

    No. It's one of my parodies... :#/ (embarrassed smiley). I had better make that clear at the top.

     
  • At 9:24 am , Anonymous Paul said...

    Cameron also criticised WH Smith for having cut-price Chocolate oranges near their tills. I suspect we have stumbled upon a Michael Gove masterplan. By pronouncing in this way, Cameron gets media coverage because it is unusual. Also, I suspect they are trying to demonstrate that Cameron is allegedly different - to break away from the traditional Tory image of being in bed with business.

     
  • At 9:55 am , Blogger Peter Pigeon said...

    My fault - I got that far and then started trying to find where he said it. If I had continued until the end all would have become clear (embarassed smiley!!)

     
  • At 10:39 am , Blogger Chris Palmer said...

    The Conservatives always used to be the party of the small business, advocating lower taxation for such groups, helping them to become more competitive. Why not so again?

    David Cameron's comments about the 'Little Miss' clothing brand at BHS were right. The brand was quite sickening really, though I would put such a purchasing decision down to the consumer (as with chocolate oranges) rather than Government.

     
  • At 4:18 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    "David Cameron's comments about the 'Little Miss' clothing brand at BHS were right." - Well, I dunno maybe. But if that's the kind of thing on your horizon you should be at best the leader of a pressure group, not of the second largest political party in the country.

     

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