Pro-world peace, giant lizards, carpenters for king... No. 1

I have the fortune (or not) to be in possession of  leaflets from 17 of the 25/26 candidates in the Haltemprice and Howden by-election. And, may I say, there are some real corkers!

I'm going to ignore the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, the Green Party, Gemma Garrett (Miss Great Britain Party and a regular on the by-election circuit) and Jill Saward, the anti-rape campaigner and Grace Astley, a teacher, because they're insufficiently interesting, in my humble opinion. This says everything about the candidate line-up...

In no particular order:

Walter Sweeney is not alone...

John Upex, former UKIP candidate for Wakefield in 2005, and now standing as an independent, is also concerned about the EU. He writes:

UNDER THE LISBON TREATY WESTMINSTER MUST DO AS BRUSSELS TELLS IT - AND OUR PARLIAMENT BECOMES NO MORE THAN A PUPPET GOVERNMENT

I PROPOSE TO STOP IT

BROWN MIGHT TAKE US IN - I PROPOSE TO TAKE US STRAIGHT OUT

IT WOULD BE EASIER TO DO THIS FROM INSIDE WESTMINSTER THAN FROM OUTSIDE

But I'm loving page 2:

Thus I propose - with immediate effect -...

... 2) to instigate and lead a Peasant's revolt - and declare Britain an Independent State outside of the European Union.

Please - I want to know more details of this Peasant's revolt! Should I bring a pitchfork? Don't leave me hanging like this!

Rev. George Hargreaves from the Christian Party  has sent a glossy poster with the slogan:

THE EU IS THE ISSUE

26 Candidates, but just one real issue... REFERENDUM NOW

What is this guy standing for? Answers on a postcard...

John Nicholson writes (punctuation and grammar as per the leaflet, which is typed text in several different font sizes. Dots show where I've skipped a few lines):

THERE ARE THREE REASONS I NEED YOUR VOTE

MY PERSONAL VISION IS A world, where wars between countries are totally eliminated. A world, that feeds everyone in it adequately. A world where science and medicine are used to benefit all societies. A world where children are safe, well educated and consider themselves equally responsible for the well-being of all...

Written by a third generation teacher. PAUL KELLEY...

..."There is no obvious level to how intelligent children can become..."

"...What is clear though, is that the power of mathematical approaches in so many area of human life means we must improve learning in mathematics. On a global level, mathematics seems the logical starting point for global cooperation"...

...I am cooperating with an East Yorkshire Emeritus professor of theoretical physics to develop the definitive teaching program in mathematics...

... Except for leading researchers my work has been ignored by every labour minister of education, it will be up to parents to evaluate my recommendations. I even sent my research to the Browns and an abacus with each child . NOT EVEN A 'DEAR JOHN', HE MUST HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS AN EDUCATIONAL TIMB BOMB

The second REASON IS EXTREMELY PERSONAL

I TAKE EXCEPTION TO BEING ROBBED

I AM IN A LEGAL DISPUTE WITH HSBC BANK...

... My resolution in this well known dispute, can only be settled by HSBC providing my, "Abacus One" for every child on earth for their fourth birthday, or a criminal court action in front of a Jury.

I'm not sure if he's promoting a new maths tool, hopes being an MP will give him leverage with his bank, or thinks he can bring about world peace (I'd suggest he writes to Mr A L Blair). Or maybe he's trying for all of the above.

More later...

[NB: Can someone drop me a comment if election law forbids me from posting this stuff? My media law book doesn't mention it]